she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
being pregnant is like rehab
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
