I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
