Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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