Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
