So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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