Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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