One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
