I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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