Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
