we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
