I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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