okay pat passed out under dana's car
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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