also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
