I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
where are my eyebrows?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
