You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
