Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Did you pee in the oven last night??
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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