Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
No...this little piggys going to the bar
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
