bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
