I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
