im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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