Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
