I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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