don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
