I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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