I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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