What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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