so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
