hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
