i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You took a bar mat shot.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
