i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
