It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
