I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Randomize
