Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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