i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
