All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
