So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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