Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
