Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
