this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
