is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
