Your mouth is God's brothel.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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