so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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