i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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