we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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