so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Sext me about skeletons
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
