She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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