part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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