He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
