Pappa wants mamma naked
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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