We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
