Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
